Not a Stone on the Beach
by JacksonMiracle
Summary: Sequel to "Do No Harm". Robyn and Jasper have spent the past three years trying to recapture the feelings they had before Robyn's change. A trip to visit the Cullens may be just the thing they need to complete their journey, but surprises lay in store along the way that could derail all the progress they've made together.
1. Welcome to Nowhere

**Author's Note: This is the much anticipated sequel to the story "Do No Harm" a fanfiction that I co-wrote with** **Ambivalentanarchist (Biv). If you have not read that story, please do so now before starting this one since it will make more sense if you do. A few reminders before we begin. Chapters will alternate between Jasper's POV and Robyn's POV. Those told from JPOV are written primarily by me and those written from RPOV are written primarily by Biv. Robyn is an original character belonging to Biv, please do not use her without Biv's permission. We always welcome comments and reviews, but please be constructive in the messages that you leave. Let us know if you like the story, or if you don't like it, what we can do better to improve it. All other normal disclaimers apply. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Welcome to Nowhere"

JPOV

Just north of Mohall, a little southeast of Sherwood, and southwest of Antler, North Dakota, there's a dirt road that leads out to a farmhouse. You wouldn't even know that it's there if you weren't intentionally looking for it. No one knows for sure who lives in the house. There's speculation about it of course, but in a county with a population of just under 6,700, no one really has the time to worry much about making friends with an outsider. As long as you don't make trouble for the town, the town won't make trouble for you. It really was the middle of nowhere, and the perfect place for a vampire and his newborn mate to lay low.

We'd only been here a couple years, but it already felt like home. Our home. My home would forever be in Texas, and even though she still didn't remember much about it, her home would always be San Diego. Things were difficult at first. I wanted to treat Robyn as my girlfriend, but she clearly wasn't ready for that yet, so I started treating her like a patient. It was a relationship that was familiar to me. I knew how to treat a patient. I didn't know how to treat a mate who could barely remember me. Familiarity was a comfort to me, but to Robyn, it was the opposite.

I desperately wanted her to regain her old memories. The memories of how we met, of her human family. But, I knew the chances of that happening were slim. It is nearly impossible to break through the fog that shrouds human memories after becoming a vampire, and in her case, it was beyond impossible. Eventually, we decided to focus our efforts on creating new memories, together. Again, this prompted an instinct in me to treat her like a patient. And again, that only created mounting tension between us.

I would have worried about the amount of fighting we'd done if I hadn't been a trained psychologist. I knew how difficult any meaningful relationship was, especially in the face of big changes. Robyn had no shortage of those lately, it was no wonder that she was pushing back, but it was hard for me to watch her struggle, knowing that I had to _let_ her.

In addition to all the other problems she faced, our routine was a difficult one to establish, and it wasn't just because we were having such a trying time defining our relationship. Robyn was finding the transition to animal blood to be exceedingly frustrating, much as I had in the first years after meeting the Cullens. She tried the deer, antelope, elk, moose, and buffalo that were native to the area, but they were too bitter to give the chase much satisfaction. There were far too few humans in the area to hunt without drawing unwanted attention, and while Winnipeg, Canada wasn't too far away, it meant an overnight trip away from home for her. Travelers along Interstate 94 and Instate 29 would do in a pinch, but she had to be careful not to leave any evidence since they would be missed eventually. Bagged blood was difficult to come by unnoticed in such a small town, and what little we got away with didn't seem to keep her thirst at bay for long.

As Robyn's newborn year drew to a close, and she was able to focus on specific tasks for a longer period of time, I suggested that she start drawing again. Unlike many of my other suggestions that she discarded, this one she took to like a horse to water. Her artwork was remarkable—even more refined and precise and beautiful than it was when she was human. I seem to remember a passage from a book that describes my feelings on her work perfectly:

"Why should you think that beauty, which is the most precious thing in the world, lies like a stone on the beach for the careless passer-by to pick up idly? Beauty is something wonderful and strange that the artist fashions out of the chaos of the world in the torment of his soul. And when he has made it, it is not given to all to know. To recognize it you must repeat the adventure of the artist. It is a melody that sings to you, and to hear it again in your own heart you want knowledge and sensitiveness and imagination," writes W. Somerset Maugham in _The Moon and Sixpence_.

The book was part of Carlisle's collection that he allowed me to read during one of my brief visits to the Cullens some time ago. It was published by an English author in the early 1900s. The timing of it leads me to believe that it was one of the last items he purchased before leaving England to come to the United States and aid in the war against the Spanish Influenza virus that was plaguing Chicago at the time. It was while fighting this illness, he met Edward and had the idea to start forming his own family.

The passage was underlined in the book and once upon a time I believe I overheard Carlisle quoting it when he was telling the story of his life to Bella. He told her that it was the passage he quoted to Esme the day he changed her and brought her into this life as his mate. She obviously didn't remember it since she was so close to death at the time, but she told him that she had known he had said something profoundly lovely.

Just as Carlisle had treasured those words when he met Esme, I treasure them now when I think about my Robyn. My Robyn is the most beautiful creature on the planet. She is in no way a stone on the beach, nor is her art, nor is the love I feel for her. And only she can understand the place from which her art comes. I still hold on to the hope that if she can retrace her journey through her art, then maybe her human memories will slowly return to her. But, that is a hope that is best left unspoken. I know some of her journey. I lived it myself. I know what it is to serve in Maria's army. I know what it is to be loyal to her despite the torture she inflicts upon her servants and soldiers. I know that, yet, I don't know the precise details of how it was for Robyn. I want to understand her, to understand her art, but I feel that her journey is hers alone. I feel that her art, like her soul, while not a stone on the beach, is something that I should treasure and respect, but admit that I will never fully understand.

I heard the screen door open on the back porch and smelled my Robyn's amazing flowery scent, and realized that my mind had drifted as I practiced a simple sparing pattern.

"I know those moves," her melodic tone reached my ears as she came down the steps into the backyard, stopping a single step away from me.

"Yes." I told her quietly and simply. "As well you should. It's a basic sequence that is taught to everyone in the army. Maria developed it first, but I added the flare at the end. It needed one last step to complete the move and ensure your opponent doesn't recover quickly." I explained factually.

I guess one could say that fighting is my art. It's my version of not a stone on the beach. It's the story of my journey in this life. And like Robyn's art, my art can never be understood by one who hasn't lived through it. Peter comes the closest to understanding it, but even he misses the nuances of it that leave me the victor every time we spar together.

"Alice called. She said I didn't have to disturb you, she just wanted to pass along a message from Gabriel. He's doing really well in Portland, still seeing the doctor you sent him to there, and he's found a more a permanent job in construction. Alice is thinking about going down to see him. Also, she said to expect a call from Renesmee sometime tomorrow. She didn't say what it was going to be about, just that you didn't want to miss it."

"Nessie? I haven't talked to her months." Not since she called to tell me that she had completed all the required courses to receive her online diploma. "I hope it's good news whatever it is." I puzzled over possible reasons for her call as I spun on my heel and launched into another battle sequence I had designed while in the army.

"Jasper, can I ask you a question?" Robyn asked after watching me silently for several minutes.

"Sure. What is it?" I immediately stopped what I was doing, taking her hand in mine and pulling her toward me so we could sit together on a rock near the tree line at the back of the property.

"Do you ever worry that she'll come after us?"

I took a deep breath before answering. We had talked about the possibility of her returning before, but I had discounted the possibility every time she brought it up. Of course I knew that she would want revenge against me for destroying her army, for once more escaping her clutches. Maria was never the kind to forgive or forget, but I had always told Robyn that it was still too soon, she wouldn't risk it. After all, she had left me alone for decades. She probably would have continued to ignore me for just as long if I hadn't willingly walked into her territory.

"No, I don't worry about it." I lied to her with practiced ease, and intentionally forced myself to feel confident of my answer so she wouldn't catch the indiscretion. This was the one thing I would ever be untruthful with her about. Of course, I was worried about it. I'd have to be crazy not to be concerned. But I couldn't let Robyn know that. If she knew I was worried, she would be worried too. She didn't need to be worried about something like that—especially now. I could shoulder the burden for her. I was used to thinking about things like this, she wasn't. I spent my life preparing for every possibility, strategizing ways to escape conflict or defend myself and those I care about against it. "I don't have time to worry about things like that. Besides, she'd be crazy to come after us here. With all this open land, we'd see her coming a mile away. She's a lot of things, but she's not foolish."

Robyn narrowed her eyes slightly as if she was trying to discern if I was being honest or not. She must have decided that I was because she just nodded her head in acceptance and stood up again.

"I'm going for a hunt. Animals. I don't want to go far. Will you come with me?"

I smiled warmly and sent her a wave of my love. "You know I will."

She grinned in turn, but her smile was lined with mischief as she slipped her hand from mine, taking off like a rocket towards the tree line. She was a thing of beauty, effortlessly kicking off her shoes mid-stride, her feet almost hovering over the ground as she launched herself into the thick of the forest. The way she ran now showed just how much she had grown into her new abilities. When we first arrived, clumsy, fledgling strides tore up dirt with every step. The stretch of grass in the front yard could attest to it, with patches where the grass grew back in spottily from the many disturbances she had made to the soil.

It was bittersweet, watching her grow into herself when she couldn't even remember properly who that was. It was part of the reason I had been holding back, keeping our relationship from crossing the final threshold. It was especially difficult to resist her like this, in the hunt, beautiful, quick, agile, moments from having her dark lips covered in blood. I was in awe of how much she seemed born to be a vampire in moments like these, until I remembered that she wasn't.

It wouldn't have been such a painful thought if I hadn't known her as a human. If I hadn't seen the love, the pain, the compassion all just under the surface, the complicated stew that made Robyn who she was. And she was simply different like this.

She still hunted humans, still killed for pleasure. It wasn't that I couldn't live with that choice, but I knew it was a choice that my Robyn would never be able to make without at least some measure of guilt, regret, or shame.

But, this Robyn didn't feel those things. Not yet.

So, when she pressed me against a tree and kissed me, when she whispered against my neck that she wanted me, I couldn't help but think: not yet. Not like this.

"Robyn, come on, we should get back to the house." I pushed her away gently, sending her waves of calm to try to cool her lust and soothe the anger I knew was bound to follow the rejection.

But, she didn't get angry at all. Instead, she got very quiet, and I winced as I felt her sorrow.

"It's been three years." She whispered. "Are you ever going to want me that way again, the way you wanted me when I was human?"

I reached for her hand, but now she was the one pushing me away.

"No, I want a real answer!" She snapped, giving me the anger I had been expecting. "What's the point of all this if you're never going to want me again?"

"I'll always want you, but I don't think either of us are ready to take that step yet." I said carefully, but as always, shrink talk didn't seem to get me anywhere with Robyn.

At least some things would never change.

"Don't tell me what I'm ready for!" She hissed, unshed tears shining in those blood orange eyes. "Ugh!"

She lashed out in my direction, but at the last minute directed the blow at the tree behind me, effectively shattering the trunk before storming off. She wasn't headed back towards the farmhouse, instead, her steps were leading north. She was headed to Winnipeg.

I sighed, but said nothing, turning in the opposite direction. I couldn't miss Nessie's call after all, not if Alice thought it was important.

For a brief instant, I wondered if I was wrong. Perhaps I shouldn't have pushed her away this time. Perhaps I should have given in to my instincts. It's what we both wanted. To be together. If only I could be certain that it wouldn't cause her more harm than good. I know that it will be impractical to resist our urges forever; we are mates after all. I think we both know that on some level. I just want to make sure that when it happens, when we're finally together in that way, it's because we both know ourselves first. I feel like until she knows herself, I'm just taking advantage of her. But what if this is all I get? What if this is as much as she'll ever know? What if she never remembers? What if this is the only Robyn, the only version of my Robyn, that I'll ever be able to speak to, to love, to touch, again?

I try to shake off the morose thoughts as I finally return to the house and make my way to the room I designated as my private office. It's here that I spend the rest of the night, alone with my thoughts and my journal.

Just as Alice had seen, Nessie called bright and early the next morning before Robyn returned from her hunt.

"Hello, Nessie." I greet her happily, wishing that I could send her my joy through the phone line.

"Hey, Uncle Jasper! How's Aunt Robyn?" The young lady she had grown into was always concerned with everyone's well-being above her own. It screamed volumes about the kind and gentle heart that she had. She was very much like her mother in that way.

"She's . . .getting along. She still hasn't made a lot of progress, but I'm optimistic. She's slowly starting to seem more and more like her old self every day. There's just a . . . a glow about her that seems to have shifted during her change and it hasn't shifted back yet. But enough about us. How are you? To what pleasure do I owe your call?" I was as truthful with her as I dared to be. Out of all the Cullens, she was the most insightful without having foresight, and I respected her for that. But I also quickly changed the subject whenever she brought up Robyn before I found myself saying too much.

"Well, it is good news actually." I could just picture a mischievous look on her face, accompanied by a coy smile and her teeth biting down gently on her lower lip like her mother used to do when she was human. "Jacob asked me to marry him!" She practically screamed the words.

"That's fantastic! Congratulations!" I was genuinely excited to hear the news. Jacob might smell awful, but once you got to know the kid, you found out that he wasn't too terrible of a person. And he did love Renesme. He would die for her. I couldn't ask anything else of a man.

"Thanks, Uncle Jasper! Dad gave him his blessing and everything. We're probably going to have a short engagement, only as long as it takes Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie to plan everything. I wanted to ask if you would come for the ceremony? You and Aunt Robyn. Please, it would mean so much to me to have you there. You're a big part of the reason I'm even alive. Please be there."

"Of course I'll come, Nessie. You only had to ask. Nothing will be able to keep me away. And I'm sure that Robyn would love to be there as well. She's out hunting now, but I'll tell her all about it when she gets home."

"You're the best, Uncle Jasper! I can't wait to see you!"

We talked for a few more minutes about a book that she was reading and a few passages from it she wanted to have read at her wedding. Then she surprised me by asking if I would mind being the one to read them during the ceremony.

I couldn't keep the grin off my face.

"I would be honored. Thank you for asking me, Nessie. I think I hear Robyn coming in the door, but I'll talk to you soon. I love you."

"I love you, too! Bye!" Nessie hurried to throw in the words before hanging up.

I got up from behind my desk and walked out to meet Robyn as she came in the door.

"Hi. Did ya have a nice hunt?" I met her now fully crimson eyes, finding my answer in them before she could speak a word. I let her feel my understanding and deep care for her even as I closed my own eyes against the truth. Not a stone on the beach, but not yet the perfect woman I once knew.


	2. The Way We Were

**Author's Note: Thank you so much to those who have read, favorited, and followed this story after just one chapter. We'll try our best to keep the story updated regularly, and always welcome helpful, friendly comments. Normal disclaimers apply. Enjoy!**

* * *

"The Way We Were"

RPOV

"That's fantastic!" I said with an unbidden smile when Jasper told me the good news. "I love weddings."

The idea of Renesmee and Jacob getting married elicited a warmth in my chest, a fondness that my paltry relationship with the pair couldn't account for. And it wasn't just that I had finally been able to properly sate my thirst for the first time in weeks—that initial high only lasted for a few minutes—it went deeper than that, deeper than just the surface.

I thought that I might have been channeling Jasper's emotions for a moment, but it only took an instant to realize that his own were much more bittersweet. He still thought of her as a child in many ways. I was sure a part of him was lamenting the fact that she had grown up, the same way he had when she had called to announce her graduation.

In the fraction of a second that it took me to realize what I said, I also realized that I had no fond memories of ever attending a wedding, contrary to what my body was trying to tell me. I felt my smile fall a little.

I knew the words hadn't been a lie. Nothing that slipped out like that could have been one, but they were a different kind of truth. The woman I had been before loved weddings, the same way she had loved Jasper. I could feel it, even if I couldn't remember why I felt that way.

It was strange discovering that I felt so strongly about something I couldn't ever remember giving a thought to.

I had fallen in love with Jasper all over again in our time here, I was sure that I would fall in love with the romance of weddings all over again, too, but there was a part of me, a small part, that longed to know where those feelings stemmed from.

Then, I saw it. The foggy image of a photo album, an unclear picture of a picture. The pair dressed up in black and white respectively made my heart swell and shatter, despite the fact that I didn't recognize either of them. The woman looked a bit like me, but the not-so-subtle swell of her abdomen made it obvious that it wasn't.

Then, it hit me all at once. That was my mother. These were my parents . . . I loved the idea of their wedding so much. I loved them. But, they were gone. I would never see them again.

"Are you alright?" Jasper frowned at me, and I knew my sudden inattention had given me away.

"Just fine." I lied, but I knew immediately that I wasn't going to be able to get away with it. I purposefully cleared my emotions, pushing away love and pain that shouldn't have been able to exist in one person simultaneously, hoping that he couldn't use them against me, but that tactic only served to make him more suspicious.

"You aren't fine—and don't expect me to believe that you feel nothing." His expression was severely pinched, but I could tell he was carefully moderating his voice. "What are you trying to hide from me? Did you remember something?"

"Don't get excited." I chastised him, after seeing the way his eyes lit up.

"If you remembered something, you should be excited!"

"It was just a picture." I shrugged, purposefully spinning away from him. "I should go pack."

I left for the bedroom, trying to escape the conversation, but he followed me all the way into our closet, sighing when I accidentally-on-purpose knocked him with my suitcase as I pulled it out of the walk-in.

"We should talk about this." He said, standing in the doorway between me and my wardrobe.

"You're right. We should. Do you want to coordinate colors? I've always liked you in blue. Maybe a baby blue shirt to match my dress?" I raised a brow.

"Alice will take care of our clothes." Jasper folded his arms stubbornly across his chest as he leaned against one end of the door frame, showing me that he didn't intend on moving. "Stop evading the subject. You shouldn't be resisting your recovered memories, you should be embracing them. If there's a problem—"

I interrupted him by grabbing him by the elbow, sharply jerking him to one side until he was clear of the archway. He could have resisted me, of course, but instead settled for looking annoyed as I hastily slapped a section of my wardrobe into the bag, hangers and all.

"Just because I don't feel like talking about it with you doesn't mean I'm resisting anything." I huffed, marching back inside the closet to gather shoes. I could hear him rustling through the bag behind me, and turned to see him taking things off hangers and folding them back into the bag with militant precision. "You're not my therapist, you're not my lover. Sometimes I wonder if we're even friends. Is it any surprise that I don't want to share this with you?"

I couldn't just see the pain that those words had inflicted, I could feel it. Although it had been my intention to wound him, to push him away, I regretted it as soon as I succeeded.

"So, you have been remembering things." He said, showing he wasn't about to let my venom stop him.

"This is exactly why I don't want to talk to you about it!" I snapped, but I knew better than to think a little volume would make him understand if he didn't already. "It was really nothing, okay? Nothing like the first one . . . just flashes."

"Are you at least open to them?" He asked, sharp hope in his eyes.

"Why should I be, when all I can remember is pain?" He grimaced at my words.

"There were good memories, too. If you allow yourself to be open to it, they will come back to you. I can help you."

"No, you can't help me. You've tried and you've failed. And from what you've told me about my life, it sounds like there weren't many happy things about it to remember, even after you came into the picture. I don't want to try any more. I don't want to remember that pain ever again." I sighed, tucking my shoes into the large gap Jasper's methodical packing had left in my luggage.

The ensuing silence would make for an uncomfortable drive to Forks.

Thankfully, the sour mood seemed to liven the instant we arrived. The entire family was gathered outside, filled with eager anticipation to greet us even before we got out of the truck. It was hard to be annoyed in the face of so many positive emotions, even for Jasper, if the smile on his face was any indication.

Alice rushed forward before anyone had a chance to say hello, grasping Jasper in a fierce hug. At the same time, Esme moved forward to embrace me. Esme approached with a cautious smile, open arms, and at a much more human pace, giving me the chance to move away if I felt threatened.

I didn't. From what I had heard of Esme, she was a paragon of warmth and patience, the proverbial mother of the Cullen family.

"I'm Esme." She whispered in my ear, although she didn't have to introduce herself. I recognized the lot of them from the photos on Jasper's desk—the ones from Edward and Bella's wedding. I felt a twinge of pain as I remembered the photo of my parents once again, but I quickly trampled the feeling down as quickly as it had arisen. "It's so delightful to finally meet you."

Then, Esme and Alice switched with such practiced ease it could have been a dance. She didn't have to introduce herself. Alice had snuck away to visit us twice in the last few years, though it was mostly to visit Jasper, I was familiar enough with her by now that I could call her a friend.

"Don't worry." She said, too quietly to be overheard by the man beside me. "We'll be having plenty of girl time before the ceremony."

For the first time since we'd left North Dakota, I laughed.

"Let me introduce everyone else." She said loud enough to be overheard as she pulled away. "You just met Esme, of course. This is her husband Carlisle." She began, pulling away to nod at a polished man with impeccable posture, but incredibly kind eyes. They were amber, of course, just like Jasper's.

Then, she gestured to a burly man with an arm around a tall, blonde beauty.

"Emmett and Rosalie." Then, she moved on to a brunette pair, and even if it hadn't been for the photos Jasper cherished, I would have guessed who they were instantly. The resemblance was obvious. "And Edward and Bella, Renesmee's parents."

"Of course, you already know Renesmee and Jacob." She finished.

Just like he had back in Texas, Jacob was standing slightly in front of Renesmee, shielding her from me as if I were bound to go for her jugular at any moment. It was at least subtler now than it had been, his body only half a step forward, and angled awkwardly. Still, it was obvious to everyone there why he was positioned like that. Even Renesmee noticed, though she made it her business to roll her eyes, step forward, and elbow Jacob sharply in the ribs when he tried to shift himself so that he was still between us.

He really didn't need to be so worried. It was true that Renesmee smelled different from any other vampire I'd ever met, but she didn't exactly smell human, either. There was something cloying about her scent that signaled very clearly to me that she wasn't prey. The musky scent of the animals whose blood I could still barely tolerate was more appetizing than hers. Not that I felt the need to explain that to Jacob when Renesmee herself so clearly understood that I wasn't a threat. She was glad to see me, something I wasn't sure I would ever get used to

Perhaps it was my first interaction with Seth, or the horrible stench that radiated from them, but I wasn't particularly fond of the shifters. Jacob seemed to feel much the same way. He had been practically vibrating with worry since the moment I stepped out of Jasper's truck, and the resignation that underlined it made it very obvious that he had only gone along with inviting me to please Renesmee.

"Welcome to our home." Esme said with a grin, but I didn't have the chance to reply properly before Alice linked one of her arms through mine.

"You know, there are still a few loose ends we need to tie up with the wedding plans." She grinned as she tugged me towards the front door. "It'll be good practice, don't you think?"

I laughed a little too loudly at that. I knew that she had to be joking, but a little comic relief was more than welcome after the twenty-three hours of tense silence that Jasper and I had spent together on the drive to Forks.

"And here, I thought you were supposed to be psychic." I teased as we headed upstairs, Rosalie's bright red stilettos clicking softly against the floor behind us.

"Oh, I don't know." Rosalie drawled. "It's been a few decades now, Emmett and I might renew our vows soon. I do love how lace has been coming back into fashion for wedding gowns. God bless Kate Middleton for that."

"Who is Kate Middleton?" I asked, bewildered.

"You really have been living under a rock if you haven't heard about the royal wedding." Rosalie laughed. "It wasn't that long ago that you couldn't get away from it, even here in Forks. Now, everything is about the royal baby."

"I really don't get the fascination with a royal family an ocean away." I said, scrunching up my nose as we stepped into what I assumed was Alice's bedroom. "Oh, wow. You weren't joking."

Maybe it was what I should have expected, given that she travelled with a seven-piece coach luggage set and wore designer shoes, even on a farm in the middle of nowhere, but the room was absolutely bedecked in all things matrimonial. There were stacks of bridal magazines everywhere, a different floral arrangement on every available surface, a mannequin with a partially assembled wedding dress, scraps of fabric and lace, and that was on top of the impeccable interior designer decor.

"I don't think I'm really qualified to help make any of these decisions." I perched myself up on the foot of the bed, one of the only places that was still available to sit on. "Although I do like the arrangement with the red roses. It's classic romance, and it'll compliment Renesmee well as an accent color if we go for a darker shade like burgundy."

Alice and Rosalie exchanged a look before the latter closed the door. Most of the rest of the family were outside, joking around as Emmett challenged Jasper to a wrestling match.

"I told you she had good taste." Alice said with a grin. "But all that can wait. We wanted to check in on you first. This was just our excuse to get you away from the others."

"Check in on me?" I looked at her blankly. "If there are going to be human guests, you don't have to worry. I'm not exactly a newborn anymore."

"I know things have been . . . difficult between you and Jasper." She said with a mild expression of gentle concern.

"Just because you know things, doesn't mean you should say them." I said, but without the bite I wanted to. "I'm not the one with the problem. It's Jasper. He treats me like I'm his patient, and when he isn't treating me like a patient, he treats me like a child."

"Just show him that you're a woman." Rosalie shrugged, like it was the easiest thing in the world. "If anyone needs a little romance, it's Jasper."

"Don't you think I've tried?" I deflated quickly, like a balloon that had been filled to overflowing. "He just pushes me away every time I try; the last time, it was obvious he thought I wasn't of sound mind to make such a decision."

"Ouch." Rosalie grimaced, as if she couldn't imagine that kind of rejection.

"Maybe I'll go talk to him." Alice said, disappearing before I could dissuade her.

I groaned, laying back on the bed and pulling my arm over my face.

"Come on," Rosalie stood with a tiny energetic hop to accentuate her words, clearly trying to cheer me up. "Let's pick you out a dress! And I have to get started on figuring out the best color eye shadow for you to use!"

We had just started to work out the details of how Rosalie wanted me to style my hair when I finally had the nerve to ask the question that had been burning in the back of my mind since the girls had brought up my lack of a real relationship with Jasper.

"How much of your human life do you remember? I mean, I know that Alice doesn't remember hers at all, and most other vampires only remember bits and pieces of it, but do you think you're a different person now than when you were human? Do you think Emmett would have liked you better that way?"

Rosalie was quiet for a moment as she worked on gently brushing out the non-existent tangles in my hair.

"No, Emmett would have hated me as a human, and I wouldn't have given him the time of day. If you had put us next to each other then, we would have been complete opposites. I was high society. He wasn't. I was shallow and self-centered. He was real."

She met my eyes in the reflection in the mirror as she continued.

"I don't remember much of my human life. But at the time, I thought it was perfect. I had everything I wanted. I was so angry when I realized it had all been taken away from me, that I could never have my perfect life again. I couldn't have children. I think that's the thing that hurt the most, it still does. When I found Emmett, some of that pain, the anger, it started to evaporate. He gave this life a meaning it didn't have before. Looking at us now, you wouldn't have known it, but it wasn't easy at first. Even after his newborn year. We weren't intimate with each other for a long time. Most of that was my fault. I was afraid of getting hurt. I still had one very strong human memory, and it was holding me back from fully trusting him. For me, I had to let go of that memory in order to be free to love Emmett. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I had to let go of my anger and my expectations of perfection, and the feeling of loss over not being able to have a child to really experience all that I had gained. I think I know where you're going with this, and I think you're right. Sometimes having a human memory gets in the way of moving forward. But a small part of me wonders if I didn't have those human memories, would I realize all the good that I have now? Sometimes, you have to remember the bad to recognize the good. My life was perfect, and that was lost to me. That's bad. But I gained Emmett. And that's all the good I need."

I let out a long breath as I drew my eyes from hers to my own, as if my reflection in the looking glass would speak to me. Not the woman I was now, but the woman I used to be.

"Jasper told me a lot about my human life. He knew me, knew so much about me." I admitted softly, as her fingers twirled in my hair, twisting it this way and that and tucking it at the back of my head in a fancy, plaited updo. "My life wasn't perfect. I wasn't happy. And the small pieces of happiness I had . . . most of them are gone now. I have my art, but . . . I don't know if I even want to remember, sometimes. I don't know if I could handle that much pain again."


	3. Picking Fights

"Picking Fights"

JPOV

I watched Alice and Rosalie drag my Robyn away from me for some girl time. I immediately felt the sting of her absence, despite the cold war we seemed to be brewing in the truck on the way here. But, I didn't have time to dwell on it for long before Emmett tackled me with some taunting remark meant to incite violence on my part.

It was easy to shake him—and the petty attempt to rile me up—off.

"Come on, man, you know better than that. You're just going to end up flat on your back with a battered rib cage. Why do you always insist on putting yourself through that?" I rolled my eyes at him in an effort to refuse the challenge, mostly in an effort to spare the recently planted saplings around the yard from the damage that would no doubt ensue.

"Well, maybe not. I've been practicing. I think I can take you." Emmett's confidence never seemed to dwindle no matter how many times I beat him in a friendly wrestling match. "Who wants to watch the show?" He offered to the others still milling about the yard.

"I'll watch!" Jacob quickly accepted the offer to become an audience of one.

Edward chuckled at the same moment.

"My money's on Jasper, he'd win even if we made him hold his hands behind his back the entire time." He folded his arms and stood a little further back than Jacob.

I understood the caution, especially after he had literally been dragged into one of our sparring matches when Emmett had the inane idea to tackle me _into_ Edward in an effort to catch me off guard. To his credit, I had been surprised. To his detriment, Edward hadn't been very happy at the time.

"That's a good idea! Jazz, you aren't allowed to use your hands." Emmett declared as he retreated a safe distance away to mount his first attack against me.

I huffed out a dogged sigh and made a show of placing my hands behind my back and locking my wrists so I wouldn't be tempted to use them.

"It's your funeral." I mumbled as Emmett grew impatient and charged in my direction.

Considering the size advantage he had over me, it was in my best interest to dodge and wait for an opening to engage. So, I did. He tried charging at me three more times and every time, I simply stepped aside. Finally, I was ready to launch my own attack. The next time Emmett ran for me, I responded by kicking forward with one of my legs in a sweeping motion when I moved out of the way. I had hoped it would trip him. He stumbled a few times, but managed to stay standing. Still, I was able to take advantage of his momentary loss of coordination by forcefully bring him to the ground in a rough and tumble kind of way, using my shoulders and knees in a syncopated attack that was too quick for human eyes to follow. When the dust cleared, I was left as the victor, kneeling on Emmett's back, his face to the ground.

He sputtered a few times, baffled at how quickly it had all happened. I don't even think he had fully registered how he had lost before I allowed him to get to his feet again.

"No way I'm just going to take that. Double or nothing!" He cried out before launching another attack.

This time, he actually managed to get in a few good blows before I was once more able to take him down. We ended up tangled on the ground again, with my legs firmly wrapped around his neck. I applied just enough pressure to let him know that I would have been able to rip his head off with little effort.

"Satisfied yet?" I asked with a smirk before letting him go free.

Emmett looked down at his feet and scuffed his toe around in the dirt, clearly disappointed.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm done. But just for today. I am going to win one of these of times."

"If it means anything, you are improving technically, but you're still rushing things. You don't take time to study your opponent and pinpoint an opening before trying to force it to happen. Slow and steady. That's the key in battle and in life." Emmett rolled his eyes at my theory, but didn't say anything more. He had never been one for taking advice, but at least he had pretended to listen the one time all our lives had depended on it.

Before long, I smelled and heard a new presence joining me at my side. Alice not so gently pulled me away from the others, explaining in that sing-song voice of hers that it was my turn to be fitted for a tux for the ceremony.

"Look at you, you are covered in filth. Oh, and your pants are ripped, too. How charming. You really are much too old to be playing around in the dirt like a toddler, you know." She pretended to scold me, but her emotions were ones of amusement more than anything else. "I suppose that boys will be boys no matter how big they get."

Alice practically shoved me inside her canary yellow Porsche and we took off at top speed. Where we were going, I wasn't entirely sure, but I had learned long ago not to question Alice when she was on a mission. We hadn't been in the car for long when Alice suddenly pulled off the road into what appeared to be a school parking lot.

"It's summer time. The place is abandoned. We needed somewhere to go that we wouldn't be overheard and this place is as good as any." She answered my question before I could even ask it, as usual. "Now, spill. I thought things were going well between you and Robyn, but that girl is miserable. What happened?"

"Things are going well." I began optimistically. "She's making progress in remembering her human life, and the Robyn that she was then. Her art is fantastic, it's only gotten better since the last time you visited. You should really get her to let you take a look at her sketchpad while we're here. She could easily profit from it if she ever wanted to sell any of it. I've been consulting on a few cases with colleagues of mine. We've got a good life."

As positive as I tried to be, Alice was my best friend. She had always been able to see right through me.

"Liar." She wasn't angry that I hadn't been honest with her, but she wasn't happy about it, either. "You know as well as I do that she isn't really remembering anything, and she doesn't want to. You're a lot of things, Jasper, but blind isn't one of them. You have to know how unhappy she is. You need to drop it before you lose her. It's not too late yet, but it will be if you keep trying to force it on her. It's unhealthy at this point to keep making her memories your only priority—not just for her, for both of you."

"It's not my only priority." I argued. "I just think it's an essential part of her adjustment to this life. I wasn't lucky enough to have anyone there for me to help me remember, and as a result, I totally lost the man I was when I was human. The Major was born as a result of me forgetting my humanity."

"Your mind forged the Major to ensure you survived impossible circumstances. Robyn isn't like you were then. She hasn't forgotten her humanity. I don't remember my human life. Have I forgotten my humanity?"

"No, you're different. You don't eat humans."

"And Robyn does. So what? You do too." She pointed a righteous finger at me before I could dispute her. "And before you argue, I know you better than anyone. I know that many of the times when you have claimed to have 'slipped', it was a lie. You intentionally hunted humans several times even after switching to an animal diet. Why? I have no idea. But, I can only assume it was for the same reason that Robyn does. Human blood gives you greater control over your ability. It may be torture to feel their pain for all of the two seconds it takes you to eat them, but afterwards, you're able to turn it off. Human blood lets you turn off feeling everyone else's emotions for just an instant."

"That's not fair. I haven't hunted a human in decades. Not since way before Robyn was even born."

Alice slowly, sadly, shook her head.

"You're still lying to me. You hunted a human in Biloxi. You wore sunglasses for three days afterwards, but I know what you did. You may be more use to feeling emotions now, better able to handle them, you may not have needed to turn it off in a long time, but you needed to after Bella's birthday. You tried to resist it, you tried really hard, but as soon as we were away from the others, you hunted. Do not condemn Robyn for something that you yourself have done. That isn't fair to her, and it isn't fair to you."

I turned my head away in shame and stayed quiet for several long, tense minutes.

"Robyn's a better person than I am. I want her to succeed where I failed."

"She's not perfect. No one is. She isn't the same Robyn that she was when she was human. None of us are the person we were when we were human. And you wouldn't want it to be that way. You knew Bella as a human. Would you really want that same Bella back? She's better like this. Stronger, more confident, less awkward. She is so much less cringe worthy as a vampire. You know what I'm talking about. This is the Robyn that was always meant to be. Instead of always trying to find the human Robyn, get to know the vampire Robyn. Vampire Robyn is so much better. I promise she is, you just have to give her a chance instead of trying to force her humanity back on her."

"Sometimes I think that human Jasper was a better man than me. If I could get that back, I would. I don't want Robyn to have those same regrets."

"Now you're starting to sound like Rosalie. Vampire Jasper is a good man. Vampire Robyn wants vampire Jasper. Vampire Jasper needs to let vampire Robyn have him. She is your mate. You love her. Now accept her and show her just how deep that love runs."

"Alice, I . . ." but before I could finish my thought we both heard the tiniest of noises in the bushes. "Stay here!"

I leaped out of the car and chased after the noise, but whatever it had been was gone now. I sniffed the air and for a second I thought I could smell another vampire, but the scent faded away as quickly as it had come. I frowned in thought as I tried to pick up the trail again, but failed miserably.

"It's nothing." I lied to Alice when I returned to the car a short moment later. "An animal, probably a squirrel."

She opened her mouth to say more, but I cut her off with a sharp shake of my head.

"No more. This conversation is over." I said, overly authoritative. "I will kindly ask you to butt out and mind your own business in the future. What's between me and Robyn stays between me and Robyn. I don't need you interfering in my relationship on top of everything else. Now, are you taking us back to the house or am I running back? You know my tux sizes, you don't need me for a fitting, and I would like to visit with the rest of my family now."

I knew that I had offended Alice. She was right—I wasn't blind. And I knew that she was only trying to help, even if she was putting her nose where it didn't belong. She cared deeply for me and Robyn and only wanted us to be happy together. But, it was easier for me to shut her down than to admit that she might have been right. Maybe, I was wrong to focus so much on a version of Robyn that may not ever return. Maybe, I was lying to myself about the reasons I hunted. Maybe, I was holding Robyn to too high of a standard. Maybe, I would lose her if things didn't change.

At the moment, I wasn't capable of admitting any of these, not to her, and especially not to myself. Instead, I turned my mind to a problem I knew I could solve. I needed to get back to the house and call Peter. If I was right about the disappearing scent in the bushes then we were about to have a very, very big problem on our hands. I refused to allow anything to ruin Nessie's wedding.

The tension between me and Alice on the short ride back to the house reminded me so starkly of the tension between me and Robyn. What was wrong with me lately? Why couldn't I seem to talk to anyone anymore? The two women who were the most important people in my life were the two people that I always seemed to hurt the most. I knew that I would have to apologize to both of them eventually.

But, right now, the most important thing was keeping them safe, and that meant making a call to Peter. If he and Charlotte checked out the area and didn't find anything, I would feel a lot better. I couldn't risk asking anyone else to do it. It would just cause wide spread panic that wasn't needed right now. I could ask Sarah to investigate, but she'd tell Seth and Seth would tell Jacob. Emmett and Rosalie might be able to handle it, but they were too close to the rest of the Cullens and wouldn't be able to keep it to themselves for long.

I almost forgot about Edward as I mused over the situation. If he read anything in my thoughts, then he would naturally alert everyone else and again, there would be pandemonium. I quickly started thinking about what it would be like to be with Robyn. To see her naked, to be intimate with her. I let those images play over and over in my head until I was sure that Edward had read enough of my mind to know that he needed to keep out.

Once back at the house, I locked myself in the room that had been mine every time I visited and made the call to my Captain.

"It's probably nothing Peter, but I would feel more comfortable if you and Charlotte took a look. The way that scent disappeared was just too similar to the way it disappeared in Texas. If the General's here, that means she isn't far behind. Just sniff around, check out the local news for reports of gang activity. They might speculate that it's similar to the activity from a few years ago."

"Yes, Sir, Major. We'll let you know we find." Peter hung up after just a minute or two, just long enough to get all the details he would need to investigate the noise at the school.

My next call would be of a more serious nature. I couldn't come all this way and not follow up with one of my long-term patients, one who had managed to make an impact on my life that not many patients did. Gabriel Waters. He was a product of the foster system. His foster brother had gotten him involved in a gang and he ended up being shot for his efforts. I had sent him to stay with the Cullens while he recovered and once he was healed, he had moved to Portland.

Gabriel's cell phone went straight to voicemail which wasn't too unusual if he was at work. I left a brief message for him to give me a call when he could, but couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. I mused it over for a few minutes before deciding to call the construction company where he worked. That call sent a chill over my body in a way that very few things did.

"Are you sure he isn't there? Maybe at a different job site?" I asked the foreman one more time.

"Doc, what did I just say? He ain't here. This is the only job site there is. He didn't show up this morning. That's all know. The office tried his cell. He didn't answer. The kid's gone AWOL. Do me a favor though. If you talk to him before I do, tell him he's fired. You only get one chance in this line of business. And his no show today means he's blown it."

I hung up with the foreman and went downstairs to join the rest of the family in the living room. Out of habit, I was drawn to Robyn's side. In spite of the tension between us, I needed to be close to her, to smell her, to feel her. I could tell she felt the same way from the way her hand twitched, from the longing that flooded her emotions. But, instead of reaching out, she turned away. She wouldn't even look at me, not that I could blame her.

"Everything ok, son?" Carlisle asked me with a concerned glance.

"Fine." I lied. "Peter and Charlotte just wanted to know if they were invited to the wedding too."

I forced a jovial smile on my face.

"Of course they're invited!" Renesmee chimed into the conversation. "I can't believe I forgot to send them a formal save the date! I tried so hard to get everyone on the list. Garrett, Kate, Tanya, Eleazer, Carmen, of course. The Amazons. The Irish. The Egyptians. Even Alistair made the list. I'm waiting until after the wedding and then I'll send the newspaper notice to the Volturi as a courtesy. I'll tell them I wanted to keep it really small. Jacob and I did agree though that one wolf gets to come for every vampire. That means all the Quileute shifters, plus a small group of shifters from a tribe in Canada will be here."

"Why so many people, Nessie? Is that really wise? Wouldn't it be safer to keep it to the immediate family on both sides?" The question came from Seth.

He was really starting to sound smart beyond his years. I blamed Sarah for that.

"They were all there for me when I needed them. They were all willing to stand up as a witness for me. For us. I want to reward them for that by letting them share in my joy now. Some of them have already sent back regret cards accompanied by a handsome check. But I at least had to give them the option of attending if they wanted to." Nessie explained in the same innocent, heart-felt way she always spoke. "We can get along just fine together if we put our minds to it."

She gently placed her hand on Seth's, and even without seeing for myself, I knew she was showing him pictures of times she remembered when vampires and wolves got along with each other. When large numbers of vampires were able to tolerate being together without competing for territory.

"See. That's all the proof needed. Everything will be fine. Better than fine. It'll be perfect."

I wanted to believe that, but I wasn't sure I could.


	4. Paintings that Speak

"Paintings That Speak"

RPOV

I was avoiding Jasper when I heard the distinct, resonating notes of the piano coming from Carlisle's office. It was the first time during my visit that I had heard music coming from someplace other than the grand piano that Edward so often occupied himself with on the first floor. It didn't sound like something Edward would play, either. He tended towards solid, yet lively rhythms. This piece was meandering, almost awkward. It reminded me of something I could have sworn I'd heard before, but couldn't quite place. No surprises there.

The door was open when I approached, which seemed to be the usual order of things, as were the medical reports that were splayed out across the desk in front of the doctor.

I had heard about his occupation long before our visit, but it was a strange and difficult thing for my mind to grasp that a vampire could stand to be around humans so often. To be around so much blood, without ever indulging in it himself. I'd probably drive myself crazy if I tried to do the same.

"Come in." He said, when he noticed me lingering in the doorway. His warm and welcoming smile urged me on as he put down his pen and pointedly pushed his paperwork aside. "Don't worry, I'll have plenty of time to finish these later, during the shower."

"Just so you know, I suggested inviting the boys too." I informed him as a I took a few, tentative steps inside. "But Rosalie and Alice were very adamant about being traditional, at least for Renesmee's first wedding."

"I appreciate the sentiment." He said with a flourish. "But, I believe Renesmee would be happier with a more intimate gathering in any case."

"Honestly, I think she'd be happy with whatever we put together for her. She's not difficult to please." I was drawn to the oil on canvas affixed to the wall beside me as I spoke, my eyes sweeping across the brushstrokes of the striped wall, the curved marble columns, the men in period clothing. I couldn't help but notice the familiar face to the right of the three men at the painting's center. "That's not . . . ?"

I turned my gaze back to Carlisle. He nodded, his expression bittersweet.

"It is." He said simply. "I should have known you would notice, Jasper tells me that you have a great fondness for the arts, drawing and painting in particular."

"I do." I fixed my attention on the painting once again. "The warm browning shadowing the artist used is indicative of the Roman Baroque technique. So, the artist was Italian trained. Seventeenth Century, by the classical arrangement."

"You have an eye for detail." He chuckled.

"I was an art student." I shrugged.

I couldn't remember exactly where I had picked up the ability to discern painting styles, and it wasn't a question I had even thought to ask myself until that moment. It must have been in college, but I couldn't tell you which class without looking at my transcript. Much like the alphabet, I simply knew the information without remembering where it had come from. It was just there, waiting to be called upon if I ever needed it.

"That was pained by Francesco Solimena. He was one of the most gifted artists that the Volturi patronized at the time. It was given to me as a gift when I left for the New World." He glanced at it, but only for a moment before his attention returned to me. "I keep it as a reminder that before I made the best decision in my life, I almost made the worst."

"What decision?" I asked taking another half-step forward, before I realized what I was doing.

"That painting was created whilst I contemplated the possibility of joining the Volturi on a more permanent basis." He pressed his lips together grimly. "Jasper has told you about the Volturi, hasn't he?"

I had only heard the name once before and that had been from Renesmee. At the time, I had assumed the Volturi were another vampire coven the Cullens were connected with, but for some reason were not particularly fond of. Or, maybe they weren't willing to put up with the shifters. There were a lot of explanations for not wanting to invite someone to your wedding. But, if Carlisle's somber expression held any weight, this was more than that.

"Um . . . no." Carlisle glanced towards the door, as if he expected someone else to walk in on us at any moment, but to the contrary, I couldn't even hear someone else on this floor. That only made me more concerned, if he was looking for an out where one didn't exist. "Should he have?"

"The Volturi are . . . the self-appointed rulers of the vampire world." He explained, with a resigned sigh. "They bear the burden of ensuring that our secret is kept, and in return exert a certain amount of power. They also expect a great deal of respect, so keep that in mind if you're ever unlucky enough to encounter them."

"Wait." I held up one finger, then directed it to the painting. "So, you lived with these . . . vampire feudal lords, or whatever you want to call them. They invited you to join their coven, and you think it would have been the biggest mistake of your life to say yes?"

"It's difficult to understand them if you haven't encountered them before."

"I know I'm a bit younger than you, but believe it or not, people still dislike each other." I teased. "It's a pretty universal topic."

Carlisle's demeanor changed entirely at that, a burst of laughter leaving him as suddenly as a clap of thunder on a clear, sunny day. Even when he managed to smother the sound, he couldn't quite stop smiling.

"I'll take your word for it." He quipped right back. "They were pompous, conceited, and although they were highly intellectual, they became rather numb, even to the things which they claimed to enjoy the most."

"And you're glad you didn't become like them; that makes sense."

"It's not just what I didn't become, it's everything I gained when I came to America." His expression grew warmer. "I didn't realize it then, but I made my first real connections when I came to the new world. I found friends. I found a family. I found the love of my life. For me, America really was a land of discovery. I can't imagine still being the lonely, lost soul that had once considered joining the Volturi, just so I could feel connected to something again. That's what that painting represents to me: it's a reminder of just how happy I am with my decision, with my life just as it is."

"That's perfect!" I gasped.

And it really was. Otherwise, I would have been rather ashamed of the comical realization on my face that made him sputter in a mixture of humor and confusion. Who could blame him? I'm sure at that moment, I looked like I belonged underneath an illuminated cartoon light bulb.

"E-Excuse me?" Was what he managed to say in the end.

It had been a while since I had really been struck by inspiration like that, but as soon as I registered what had happened, I managed to shake it off.

"Sorry," I said by way of apology. "You just gave me the best idea for Renesmee's gift."

"The bridal shower is in just a few hours." His impressive brow furrowed as he glanced at the clock "Don't you think you're cutting it a little close?"

"I prefer to think of myself as . . . spontaneous." I said, chuckling a little as I left the room, raising my voice as I neared the stairs. "Alice! We need to go shopping!"

I could hear her high-pitched squeal before I saw her coming around the corner. I was fairly confident that, had I been human, my eardrums probably would have burst at the noise. As it was, the noise was sharp, but nowhere near painful.

"Okay, I need—" I stated to explain, but Alice was always a step ahead.

"—I know exactly what you need!" She cut me off with a cheshire smile, already dragging me towards the garage by one arm. And she wasn't gentle, either. But, in a way, it was nice to be treated like a vampire for once. "There's this great antiques place in Port Angeles. If we hurry, you'll finish with time to spare. It's going to be a-ma-zing!"

Of course, even the engine of Alice's fancy sports car could only pushed so hard. Driving to Port Angeles would take time, an idea I hadn't considered until after we were driving at an excess of one hundred miles an hour down the freeway. When she brought up Jasper, I contemplated throwing myself from the vehicle for several seconds, but that would mean arriving at the shower empty handed in addition to having the authorities question how so many more potholes had appeared on the 101 practically overnight.

"Listen, you're his best friend." I said, doing my best to remain calm. "You get why I don't feel totally comfortable talking to you about this, right? I mean, you literally ran off to talk to him last time."

"I . . . I know." She chewed her bottom lip guiltily between her teeth. "I'm not saying talk to me. I'm saying talk to him. You two . . . you just need to communicate!"

"I don't know if I even want to talk to him, Alice!" I huffed, running a hand through hair that was flying everywhere thanks to the fact that the car's top was down. "I've been doing some thinking and . . . I know that I love him, but I don't know if he really loves me. I know he used to, I know that he thinks he still does, but the woman he really loves is the woman I used to be when I was human. And that woman is gone now. He's in love with the idea of that woman, not me. And I . . . I don't know how much longer I can do . . . whatever this is between us."

My voice cracked, as if I had been crying, and I could feel how badly my eyes were burning with the urge. I gave a heaving, breathless sob, but I choked the pain and hopelessness down before I lost control of it.

"Honey," She began softly, her voice barely a whisper. "That's not true. He does love you, I know it."

"He thinks that he does, too." I looked right at her and asked, as painful as it was. "What if you're wrong? What if you're both wrong, and all of this is for nothing."

"I wouldn't say it was for nothing." Her voice was still soft and motherly, even as she disagreed with me. "Nothing is for nothing. If you live long enough, you'll realize that, too."

I sighed and sat back harder in my seat, not wanting to think about the possibility I had just posed, despite the fact that it had been haunting my thoughts the last few days. I hadn't been able to get it out of my head after overhearing Jacob trying to write his vows, he was talking out loud, trying find the right way to say how different it was, loving the person you were with, instead of just loving the idea of someone. For him, it was about loving Renesmee beyond the fact that she was his imprint—whatever that was supposed to mean. For me . . . well, I didn't want to think about what it meant. Not anymore.

"I've been thinking about . . . maybe going off on my own for a while." Alice gasped sharply. "Not now. After the wedding. I'm afraid he'll know somehow, how unhappy I am if we sit down and talk and . . . and this is Renesmee and Jacob's time. Whatever happens between me and Jasper, I want it to be after. I don't want to spoil the wedding with this. So just . . . Just promise me you won't say anything? Not until after the wedding."

She remained stubbornly silent, so I elbowed her sharply, making the car jerk into the other lane for a moment. Thankfully no one else was around, and she was able to recover control of the car quickly.

"This is not something I saw coming." She mumbled sullenly.

I drew back my elbow again, making my meaning crystal clear.

"Fine, fine!" She said, before I could nudge her again. "Just don't make me crash this car. Rosalie would kill me after all the detail work she's done on it."

I wouldn't have actually done it, of course, but that wasn't something Alice needed to know right then.

Thankfully, Alice was much more forgiving than Jasper seemed to be lately, and she was laughing and smiling again by the time we returned for Port Angeles. Or, maybe retail therapy was really what worked for her. Either way, she was already smiling brightly by the time we were carrying the bags up the stairs.

By the time the shower started, it was as if our conversation in the car had never happened at all. I was glad. I didn't want to be the dark cloud hanging over anyone else's happiness. So, I played the ridiculous bridal games that Rosalie had contrived without complaint, despite the fact that I was at a major disadvantage for every single one. I didn't know nearly enough about Renesmee to succeed at bridal bingo. I was totally lost when we played a version of who am I? with popular celebrity couples. I did, however, come out as the reigning champion in bridal pictionary, although Alice had come in a close second.

I almost felt at equilibrium by the time Renesmee was opening the gifts we brought her. Esme had given Renesmee the cookbook her own mother had passed down to her when she had gotten married for the first time. It was a mystery why she had held on to it after all these years, considering the only thing I knew about her first marriage was that it wasn't a happy one, but it seemed to mean a lot to the two women. It was only the first gift, and Renesmee already looked ready to cry.

"It had all your favorite recipes." Esme said softly. "And Jacob's too, of course."

Bella gave her daughter a beautiful music box that looked like a miniature glass piano and played a soft, buoyant waltz.

"It's the first dance your father wrote you." She said, when Renesmee looked at her in question. "I was going to give you a recording, but . . ."

The pair exchanged a look of shared exasperation, no doubt over Edward, that ended in Renesmee giving her mother a too-tight hug.

"I love it, mom, really." Renesmee said earnestly.

Next, there was Rosalie, with a tiny pendant locket. On one side, was a photo of Jacob holding an infant, and the other was empty.

"It's for a wedding photo, obviously." Rosalie smiled widely. "To keep close to your heart."

"We've been looking for the perfect shoes for you." Alice said, when she presented her with glass slippers. "And you have always been our little princess, so . . ."

Then, it was my turn. It was a little strange being asked to participate in such an intimate event in someone else's life, when I hardly knew them. It was probably the reason it had taken me until the last minute to decide what to get her. But, luckily for me, I was an empath, and an artist, and every once in a great while, that was a good thing.

"I painted the way you feel when Jacob takes your hand." I explained, as the wrapping paper was pulled away to reveal a silhouette portrait of the pair standing together on the edge of a cliff at twilight. He was lifting her up in the air, her back arched to the sky. "Relationships aren't always easy. Sometimes things change, sometimes things fall apart . . . but the love between you two is special. And that's coming from an empath."

I felt my heart crack a little inside my chest as I said the words. I felt the same way about Jasper, but I was starting to accept that he didn't feel the same way about me, not anymore. It felt like I was dying, until I trampled it down, so forcefully that I couldn't feel anything.


End file.
